95% of my Facebook newsfeed is littered with news articles, news pictures, news clippings. While I understand that people like to keep on current events, I can’t say I do so much. Yes, I have heard about the earthquake in Nepal, the riots and looting in Baltimore, and the water crisis in California. I’ve heard about all the shootings and stabbings and robbings and muggings and whatever else over the past few months. I have not turned off my ears. I just don’t actively seek out news articles or report clippings.
It’s nothing new. For most of my life I have been like this. It’s not that I don’t want to hear about the stories — okay, maybe it is. I have this stupid set mind where if I hear about something bad, whether it’s a drunk driving accident or a horrible shooting, I cry my eyes out. I don’t even know those that were involved, yet I feel pain upon hearing of their passing or troubles.
Folks who know me think I am just disinterested. It’s not that I am; it’s just that I don’t want to start crying over these events. I like happy stories, but I don’t hear those as often, so I just don’t look.
I still believe there is good in everyone. I am a firm believer of that. Maybe it makes me naive. Until I am given reason not believe someone is good, I will hold onto that small glimmer. I don’t know if that makes me the dumbest person alive or not, but I can’t change who I am.
I recently loaned money to a friend because he claimed he had none for food. I felt bad and didn’t want to starve. This friend is also a heroin addict, and while he claims he is trying to be clean, has relapsed more than once. It took another friend to point out that he probably took the borrowed money and spent it on drugs. I didn’t even think of that possibility. However, I have learned my lesson about all this. No more money will be loaned out to friends, especially friends with drug issues.
So, while I have heard about the recent deaths, I don’t want to read too much into them. I don’t want to feel my heart get sad. I don’t want to mourn the loss of someone I never even met. I want to keep my rather naive view of the world and press on and think happy thoughts. Keep thinking about unicorns and kitties and rainbow stickers.